My "She-ro"!!

How important it is for us to recognize and celebrate our heroes and she-roes!                          ~Maya Angelou    This past week my mother celebrated her birthday. I have often mentioned my mother-- having her in my life now has been a blessing I can barely describe. I am one of the lucky ones-- she has survived against some pretty stiff odds, and has been such an example to me for how to live life well! Let me elaborate-- My mother is the product of a time that has passed. She was raised during the Great Depression by parents who were devoted to their family and did their best to raise her and her brother. Their example was a good foundation for her after she married my father and had her own family. It was the 1950's-- a time of economic boom, of unlimited potential. A time when living in America held the promise of "a better life" than the generation before. My parents did just that-- they bought a house in suburbia, had three little girls. Dad worked in Industry. Mom was a Housewife.  Life was good, though they had some pretty big bumps... They buried their  firstborn before her third birthday, and learned to cope with that grief in private ways that my younger sister and I could not imagine.  LIfe as a child for me was pretty much like living in a Leave It To Beaver episode-- my mother did not work outside the home, but devoted herself to making sure our home was a pleasant, loving environment. She cooked and kept the house tidy. She taught me to sew and knit, to make a pie, how to iron a man's white shirt and his handkerchieves... And she taught me by example how to be a gracious hostess, how to listen when people confided their troubles, and that it was my duty as a human to care about others. She volunteered everywhere-- in our school activities, in church activities, in the neighborhood and our town. She showed me by example how to treat a husband-- that he needed the home to be a refuge from the outside world. I have memories of her stopping her activities about 4 pm to go "freshen up" before my father got home from work. When he arrived, she had fresh make up, combed hair, and a smile on her face. The two of them would head to the kitchen where Dad would mix up a couple Manhattans and Mom would finish dinner, all the while discussing the events of the day. And we kids were not to interrupt them. Dinner was a family affair that started with a prayer and always ended with dessert.  She went back to work when I was in Junior High, as a church secretary, then working in other offices in local businesses. Her salary was never huge, but it helped the cause, and provided more connection with the adult world for her, and a sense of accomplishment in her work. My teenage years involved a bit of eye rolling when I interacted with my mom, but I emerged into adulthood with a strong sense of self and a good relationship with both my parents. From that point on I lived independently of my mother, but she was always available, always my biggest cheerleader. She listened when I had a breakup with a boyfriend (and later a marriage...), and was there to help and celebrate my marriages and the births of my babies. She has been the constant in my life-- the shining example of how I am supposed to treat others, how important family is. My husband has grown to love her like his own mother too. The highest compliment he ever paid me was when he said I had inherited my mother's graciousness... Eight years ago, right after my father passed away, she was diagnosed with cancer. At the time, no primary tumor could be found so they didn't know what kind of cancer it was. But she agreed to start chemotherapy. She fought that cancer and beat it into remission... We were told the cancer should have killed her in perhaps six weeks, and instead she beat it! And we rejoiced. But it came back. Again she beat it into remission. Again it came back. Eight years later, and she is still fighting, still beating it day by day. And through all the battles, she has kept her smile. She has kept her focus on the family and others, not on herself. She has rejoiced at the weddings of three grandchildren, at the births of three great-grandchildren, and listened and supported the family through divorce. She attends church regularly and continues to contribute through their prayer shawl ministry-- she knits prayer shawls despite worsening macular degeneration in her eyes. She mourns my father privately, but can speak of him with humor and love. She moved to an apartment and gave up her car just in this past year, and did this with minimum fuss and maximum grace...  This spring I began to notice a sense of fatigue in her that was a little troubling. She wasn't as cheerful as usual, or it seemed to take more work on her part to be cheerful. The cancer battle had begun to wear on her spirit. There wasn't much I could do... but it hurt me to hear her talk about how maybe this time was It. My sister and I talked, and wondered what we could do to help her sagging spirits. Then a cousin contacted me and indicated he'd love to come for a visit... right around the time of her birthday. That was just what we needed-- we put together a plan for a birthday party for her. It was her 89th birthday, and rather than wait till that 90th next year we decided to celebrate in a big way this year. We decided to tell her and let her help us plan the party. We had the party this past weekend. Family came from all over the country-- from Colorado and Pennsylvania and Maryland and North Caroline and Tennessee. Three of four grandchildren (and the fourth called during the party all the way from Australia!) and all three great-grandchildren were here. There was cake, and balloons and flowers. A wonderful meal at the party. And an entire weekend of family fellowship and celebration.  Three of four grandchildren All three great-grand children More cousins from afar gather at our home with her! And best of all, her oncology doctor told her he wants to try a new medication. He hasn't given up on her, and that gave her renewed hope in really, truly beating the cancer. Her fighting spirit came back as the side effects of the old medicine wore off. With good news on her health, and the family all here for a big celebration, my tiny mother stood taller and walked lighter than she had all spring. We all marveled at her smile, her laugh, her energy. And most of all, her shining example to each of us for how to face adversity, the importance of family, and how to treat other people.  My mother is an amazing woman. She grew up in a time that has passed away, but the lessons she continues to teach us all are what life is all about. Her example to us will remain as her legacy to each of us, and will help each of us weather our own difficulties. Saying thank you to her seems so insignificant... I hope she will remember how important she is to each of us, what in impact she has on each of us. And oh yes... Happy Birthday, Mom! Legacy is not what's left tomorrow when you're gone. It's what you give, create, impact and contribute today while you're here that then happens to live on.          ~Rasheed Ogunlaru