Extremism is so easy. You've got your position, and that's it. It doesn't take much thought. And when you go far enough to the right you meet the same idiots coming around from the left.
(Interview, Time Magazine, February 20, 2005)
~ Clint Eastwood
About once a week I drive the 45 minute route to visit my mom. She and I usually go out to lunch, and then we run her errands-- a few items from the grocery, or the drugstore, or a visit to the eyeglass store, stuff like that. This week she and I had a delightful lunch followed by a fun trip to her local mall to return some slacks she realized were the wrong color. We returned the slacks without difficulty, and had some extra time so we did a little window shopping at the newly installed Christmas displays inside the store. I always enjoy looking at the formal dresses -- and there were some really pretty ones shown. My mother and I giggled at the extreme high-heeled shoes, both of us now past the age when fashion in footwear is more important than comfort. She wondered if there were any purses on sale, so off we headed to the handbag department. I love this area-- the smell of leather and the smooth, handsome bags (all at prices now out of my retirement income reach...) are fun to look at. We were greeted as we entered the department by a very nice younger woman who was dressed very conservatively and spoke with a heavy accent I couldn't identify. She showed my mother the purses that were for sale, and then stopped to chat with me while Mom shopped. "Is this lovely lady your mother?" she asked. When I told her yes, she said, "Oh enjoy her company! I wish so much I could spend time with my mother, but she is 8000 miles away..." That comment seemed to demand a response, so I asked her, "Where is your mother?" and I was told "Iran..." I asked her if that was where she was from, and she said yes somewhat timidly. I wondered if she expected me to react negatively, given the friction now between our two countries. I only commented that "Wow... that is indeed a long way away to be from your mother!"
I thought about that saleswoman later. I don't know much about Iran, but I do know it has been ruled by Muslim extremists, and that women there tend to follow the extremist teachings of their faith. That is, they must cover their heads in public, are not allowed in public without their husband or father, are not allowed to be as educated as males. The woman I encountered spoke perfect English, did not have her head covered, and was working outside the home without a husband or father in attendance. I wondered how she got here, and whether the freedom she was experiencing from the extreme tenets of her faith were worth the separation from a much-beloved mother.
I was reminded of a patient I had cared for in an OB department long ago. She was surrounded by her mother and sisters, as she labored to delivery a baby. Her husband was there but was not participating in the birth of his child much-- just checking in to see how things were progressing now and then. The patient and the attentive women of her family spoke in hushed terms about the man, and about how the new baby would "bring him around". I learned over time that the marriage was breaking apart and that he had been seeing other women, and had been verbally and emotionally abusive to his wife. The family were all fundamentalist Christians-- the women dressed in skirts only (no pants allowed...), forbid the cutting of a woman's hair (which resulted in some elaborate hairdos!) and did not work outside the home. This woman was greatly troubled by her husband's behavior, and was reaching out to her family, her pastor, and even to me, for advice on how to fix it. Her family and her pastor all told her to pray harder, be a more submissive wife, bow to her husband's will in all things. I told her that there were options available to her besides submission and prayer, and if she wanted to hear about them I'd get the social worker to come in to discuss. As a young woman myself at the time, I couldn't imagine anyone sticking around in such a setting to raise a baby, and was heart broken when the patient did not wish to speak with the social worker and took her new baby home, with plans to be even more submissive, and probably even more miserable, than ever.
Often, any discussion of religion meanders into the realm of politics too. It would seem that politics can have a similar effect on women-- influencing their personal, work day and social/political lives in so many ways. A hundred years ago women wanted to vote, and that was seen as extremist by some. Today, equal pay for equal work is seen by some as just as extreme. The ability to be just as educated, to choose a profession based on ability and desire alone, to own property, to live and work independently-- all are positions that at some point were seen as extreme-- or maybe still are.
I do not wish to discuss religion or politics here... they are very private matters that each individual must ponder on their own, and seek out the company of like-minded people to share with. But I will say that extremism does not exist only in foreign countries-- it is here too. How a non-extremist deals with this can be delicate-- particularly in a country that has as one of it's tenets a strong belief in the separation of church and state. Where is the line between "fundamentalism" and "extremism", where does religion stop and cultism begin? And why, oh why do so many religions and political viewpoints focus on forcing women to be submissive or second rate citizens?
I don't have any answers-- but I have a few guidelines I follow:
1. If your religion or politics require women to behave differently than men, beware. Are you being told you must not work outside the home? Or that equal pay for equal work is "bad for jobs"? Must you dress in a particular fashion?
2. If your religion or politics seems overly interested in your private life-- such as whether and how you access birth control, beware.
3. If your religion or politics does not encourage you to THINK and ASK QUESTIONS about important issues, if you are told to just accept the teachings of your faith or your political leaders, BEWARE!
Perhaps that last one is the answer after all... Women must be allowed to investigate, to think and ask questions, to seek out answers, to form their own opinions. Any religion or political system that encourages that is worth considering. Don't be afraid of new knowledge-- seek it out and embrace it. (Let's face it-- if you are reading this online, you already have at your disposal the ability to access almost all of the knowledge human beings have collected-- without going outside the door of your home!) Don't follow the old "Don't confuse me with facts!" attitudes that seem to pervade our culture-- it is what leads to extremists controlling us. Question everything. Keep your mind open to the opinions of others, and try to really listen to them.
Our country's politics seems gridlocked with opposing sides both refusing to consider the opinions and ideas of the other side. Extremism appears just around the corner. It seems that perhaps women hold the key-- let us enter the debate, let us investigate, consider, discuss. Let us be fully human, and perhaps then we can begin to solve issues and bring people together.
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