Happy Birthday, Daddy

My beloved father, Edward Howes

     Today would have been my father's 84th birthday. He died almost 7 years ago after a very brief illness and I still grieve his passing and think about him every day. I was very close to him, as I am to my mother. I am very glad I still have my mom here with me! I feel very lucky to have been raised in the home that he and my mother provided my sister and I. Under their guidance I think I grew into a loving, productive person of integrity. At least that is what I aspire to, and hope that on some level they are as proud of me as I am of them.


     My father grew up during the Great Depression, the son of frugal but industrious parents. His father was always employed during those troubled years, so he did not know grinding poverty. But times were tough and his family had to be as frugal as anyone. He was young enough that while he enlisted in the Navy during World War II, he never saw battle action because the war ended before he could get there. I think that helped him maintain his strong sense of humor.

     Dad's sense of humor was legend, at least some of which was inherited from quirky parents. I remember him dressing up in my grandmother's nightgown for a Halloween party one time, and in a gorilla mask another. He described himself as a "drinking Methodist" and would look forward to cocktails with friends. If that happened to be early in the day, he would raise his glass and offer a toast that "It's after 5 pm somewhere!"  There are so many stories of his antics with friends-- riding around the town we lived in in the back of a Fiat along with about 5 of his Rotary Club friends (all large men), after placing a large wind-up key on the back of the car. Or of hooking up a beer keg to the town park drinking fountain (our town was where Carrie Nation founded the Women's Christian Temperance Union-- devoted to getting rid of alcohol!) There are stories of boy scout camp adventures and his "war injury" when the chair he was leaning back in to eat grapes tipped over and he cut his head open. My father believed that there was humor in any situation, no matter how grave, and he tried very hard to find it, even in his last illness. I learned a lesson then-- no one wants to hear about your aches and pains. Everyone prefers a chuckle. And chuckling at your own situation can brighten up your own mood too.

     I learned other things from him-- a love of opera is one. He loved opera-- playing the Saturday matinee from the New York Metropolitan Opera on the radio as loudly as he could and singing along to his favorite arias.

     I learned about honesty-- he was above all things honest in all his dealings with people. He told me often "If you are always honest, you will never have to remember what you said to someone."  He also read and studied and discussed his Christian faith with us, and worked very hard to live up to the Christian principles he believed in. Church attendance was not an option when I was growing up-- we were required to attend and often after church there were family discussions related to the sermon. His circle of friends were usually from the church he and my mother attended.

     I learned about love of family and how important it is. He placed his family above all others, and showed us his love by not just providing for us, but he made a point to tell us every day he loved us. And hugs... he gave great bear hugs that I still miss.  And oh how he loved his grandchildren! He would call mid day from work at least weekly when my oldest son was a baby, just to see how he was. And visits were often. And he had endless ideas for play with them. He would feel the same now with his great grandchildren-- I wish so much they could have known his unconditional love, though I hope in some measure they can experience it through me.

     He was unafraid to show emotion. He had a fiery temper that would raise up when facing injustice or when he was frustrated. He also cried easily and often at patriotic music, or when he was feeling especially proud of his family. I was never prouder of myself than when he expressed tearfully how proud he was of me.

     My father was a modest man, of little consequence to world events. But he had great influence over me and my sister and the extended family. His love and example of honest living and love will hopefully live on in his children and grandchildren. I honor his memory every day of my life and hope that when my own life ends I will once again experience his presence and hear him say how proud he is of me... As I told him right before he died, if I have any insight into the nature of God as a loving Heavenly Father, it is because I was raised by a loving earthly father and mother. For that I am eternally thankful.

My parents-- Dorothy and Ed Howes

     Happy Birthday, Daddy. I miss you and love you...