The Other Side of the Rainbow...

The white light streams down to be broken up by those human prisms into all the colors of the rainbow.  Take your own color in the pattern and be just that.  

          ~Charles R. Brown

     This past weekend, my husband and I traveled to Wisconsin, to attend the wedding of his nephew. We had a wonderful time, and I want to share a little of what I experienced.

     The nephew who was married is a great kid, funny and smart. I haven't know him too long, but always enjoy his presence at family get togethers. He works as an engineer. He has excelled in this field, becoming quite successful in his job. This past year at Thanksgiving, as we listened to details of the upcoming wedding, we also discovered that the object of his affection shared in his geekiness and love for video games and other such techy entertainment. They both love to cook, and have participated in some Iron Chef-type competitions together... and have won! He spoke with such love and enthusiasm that we knew this was a match "made in heaven". And we eagerly looked forward to attending the wedding.

     There was a rehearsal dinner the night before that we were invited to. It was held at a Brazilian tapas and beef restaurant, and we were treated to not only excellent food, but the chance to meet some of the other family and the host of friends who also attended. We were greeted warmly and enthusiastically by them all. The couple circulated through the group, making introductions and chatting with everyone. A happy circle of love seemed to be surrounding all of us.

     The wedding took place the following afternoon in the hotel where we were all staying. The ceremony was fairly traditional, with attendants in lovely gowns and tuxes, even a flower girl who enthusiastically flung flower petals down the aisle. The official photographer snapped away with dozens of other cameras (or smart phones in my case...) flashing as the wedding pair made their way down the aisle together. The parents sat in the front row, mothers dabbing eyes, as they watched their offspring walk together down the aisle.

     The wedding was officiated by a delightful woman (whose name I didn't get). She admonished all of the need to support these young people as they started their life together, and talked at length about the joy they shared in loving one another. That love, above all, was clear to us all as we watched them exchange vows. Holding hands, exchanging rings, a shy kiss at the end. I was very touched by one simple ceremony performed. Each of the couple had a small vase filled with colored sand. One was vivid green, the other vivid blue (the colors of the wedding). Each took their own vase and then slowly poured the colored sand together into a larger vase. The vivid colors were merged into a really lovely pattern in the vase. The officiant shared that two people who once were vivid and colorful alone, were now joined and even more lovely in the new patterns they made. And that the individual colors would be impossible to separate out now that they were joined. She also recommended that the couple place the vase in a prominent place in their home, and on each anniversary they give it a little shake to signify the even more complete merging of themselves. Lanny and I squeezed each others hands, recognizing how true this had become for us-- the longer we are married the more joined we feel...

One small vase of green sand, another of blue... merged into one larger vase with a beautiful result!

     In short, this wedding was beautiful and mostly traditional, and filled with proud family and love. Lots and lots of love...

     It was just like most weddings except for one thing:  Lanny's nephew is gay. He was marrying another man. The wedding, held in a state that does not recognize gay marriage, was not legal.  And it forced me to look at this hot political issue from an entirely new perspective-- the personal one. I tend to be an intellectual liberal-- I think about issues and decide my opinions based on information and reading the opinions of others and then make up my own mind. Intellectually I have supported gay marriage for awhile-- it seems to me to be harmless to those of us it doesn't apply to, and I am in favor of committed and loving relationships. I remember many of my heterosexual friends back in the day NOT getting married because "it was just a piece of paper" and that held no meaning for them. For gay couples, if this piece of paper does indeed have meaning, then what harm does that do?  And I do see the civil rights issue here as well-- the right to have the legal benefits that marriage offers such as shared health care benefits, legal protections, etc.

     However, as I often find, having an intellectual opinion and experiencing the outcome of that opinion first hand can often test me. And I wasn't sure how I felt personally about watching two men get married.  Kissing to clinking water glasses at the reception. Dancing with one another.

     I can tell you now, their ceremony was beautiful. It was loving. It was a joyful celebration of two people who cannot imagine living life without each other. In short, it was a good thing. Their commitment to one another will not bring society to ruin. It will not cause little children to abandon their families or adolescents to "choose" an alternative lifestyle. It will allow these two wonderful guys to live life more fully, with great happiness and joy. Together they will face many hardships-- that is what life tends to throw at us. But together they can face it. Both will do better work in their jobs because they are happier and living more abundant personal lives, because they are in a committed relationship.

     In the end, that is what this is all about. That is what we celebrated this weekend. A loving, committed relationship. Congratulations to them both! 

“My friends, welcome to the other side of the rainbow.” 

     ~Washington state Sen. Ed Murray (D), Feb. 13, 2012, at the signing ceremony legalizing gay marriage in the state.