You can never really live anyone else's life, not even your child's. The influence you exert is through your own life, and what you've become yourself.
~Eleanor Roosevelt
Yesterday Lanny and I drove to a small Indiana town fairly close to us to attend the visitation at a funeral home for a friend of ours. I have been a friend of his wife for over 30 years. Karen and I had been "church ladies" together, had attended Bible study classes, various church women's groups, and served on various church boards together. That had sparked a personal friendship that went beyond church-- we had met together with another friend Kathy over the years for lunches and dinners, and once I was married to Lanny we had socialized as couples. That is how we got to know her husband. Jim was a wonderful guy... quick witted and funny, smart, and the life of any social event. He also had taken his faith to heart and served in so many ways-- mission trips to New Orleans and involvement in his local congregation. So, when we learned he had terminal brain cancer, it hit us hard.
He died this week, much sooner than had been predicted, leaving his wife and family and many, many friends to mourn. Including us... Jim is not the only friend to have passed too young. We have said goodbye to others lately and I find that their passing has caused a lot of self-reflection on life in general and especially on what I want out of my own. Gathering in the funeral home yesterday, we met up with other friends and had some conversations about how this wonderful guy had lived his life so well.
Then my friend Kathy introduced me to a woman who was a little older than I am. She asked me if I remembered her... and I didn't. It turns out that this woman was the grandmother of a baby I had helped deliver 19 years ago... and she still remembered me and had asked to be introduced! Unfortunately, the mother of the baby and the baby were not also there, but the grandmother filled me in on the life of this little baby. He was now 19 and enrolled in the Air Force, eager to serve his country and learn aircraft maintenance. She described him as a great kid, and then was able to recount details of his birth from all those years ago. And she thanked me for having been so sensitive to the needs of her daughter, who at the time of this baby's birth had been in the middle of a personal crisis that had required some extra TLC on my part. I was pretty blown away! I used to have new mothers stop me out in public or come back to visit at the hospital when the baby was a little older to say hello, but this was the first time I had heard from one who was almost an adult. And they still remembered me!
The death of a friend too young, and then contact with this family from long ago has provoked a lot of thought. I have never had a need for fame, for having my name recognized by strangers. But I have had a hope that somehow my life would have a lasting influence somewhere. Should I die young too, I still want to know that I have made a difference, as our friend Jim had done. Speaking with the grandmother of this young man helped me see that perhaps I will. When I was a nursing manager, I used to tell my staff that their influence on families, however brief, could be profound. Loving care by someone at a time of change and sometimes crisis can make all the difference to a young mother. And now I see that what I said is true! I will admit this feels very, very good to me... Who knew I would have a nursing high point over a year after I retired?
We never know what will befall us. We can plan and work towards the future, but in the end, all we have is now. The choices we make, the paths we choose, will have ripple effects on those around us, even casual acquaintances. And we will never really know the scope of that influence! The important thing is to figure out what is important to us and then try our best to live life according to that. How we treat one another now can profoundly influence others that we may never know about.
So here's to Jim and all the others who had lives cut short, but were well-lived! Their influence will remain for a long time. May we all follow their examples and live according to the callings of our heart and our principles.
Blessed is the influence of one true, loving human soul on another.
~George Eliot
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