A cherished visit from the little people

I love these little people; and it is not a slight thing when they, who are so fresh from God, love us.          ~Charles Dickens

     The little black SUV pulled away from the house in the very early morning light, windows down, two sets of little arms waving through them. Goodbyes and I Love You's were shouted from both the car and the front porch, where the grandparents waved almost as hard as the children. The grandmother watched as the car pulled out onto the road, and was gone.

     Still in her bathrobe, she turned to go back into the house. It was dark, despite the light on in the living room. There on the floor were the remnants of toys and games that had provided so much fun for the little ones. She could pick them up later-- the day stretched in front of her now, void of much excitement or activity. She smiled at the pirate ship toy that had been so popular with all of the children... it was a good garage sale find.

     Walking into the kitchen, she picked up the last bits of a hurried breakfast with the children. Just minutes before she had sat at the table with the two little boys, telling herself to cherish and remember the quiet sleepy conversations she had with each of them as they ate their bagels and bananas. The table was still a bit sticky-- and would need to be washed off... later. On the refrigerator were the crayon colored drawings of both boys-- one done with a bit of precision, that had been presented to her "to help you remember me..." and the other a glorious mashing of colors outside the lines, drawn with gusto but left behind as an afterthought. She smiled at how different these two brothers were-- one is deep thinking, verbal, sensitive and precise, the other dashes through his day with gusto, often unwilling to share his thoughts with his grandmother, a bit rebellious, and full of fun. They were exhausting, and yet they were, along with their cousin, the lights of her life. This had been a wonderful 3 day visit, complete with two days of extended family here to celebrate the birthday of their matriarch. There had been tons of family laughter and reconnecting with seldom seen loved ones. She had worked hard in the kitchen, spent a few hours overseeing three active children, tended to getting tables on the deck, making sure everyone had drinks and food and whatever else they needed. The family didn't get together like this often, and the time spent with them and memories made were precious.

     She was unaccustomed to rising so early and had not slept well that night so she climbed the stairs to her bedroom for a try at a few more hours of sleep.   Walking down the upstairs hall she passed the guest room where her son and wife had slept, and then the room where the boys stayed. Sheets were a mangled mess, intertwined with books and stuffed animals. Vacant beds that only a few minutes before had held her precious grandsons and their parents. Empty. Quiet. She noted the sheets would need to be washed today... later.

     She opened the door to her bedroom, went in and closed it. She climbed into the bed, pulled the sheets up and closed her eyes. Memories fluttered through her mind of the weekend... It was so quiet... She smiled... and fell asleep.

   

Lessons from Adolescence

The hardest thing about adolescence is that everything seems too big. There's no way to get context or perspective, ..... Pain and joy without limits. No one can live like that forever, so experience finally comes to our rescue. We come to know what we can endure, and also that nothing endures. 
          ~ Sara Paretsky, Bleeding Kansas

I was reminded today of a painful time in my adolescence. I am not going to give specifics, but suffice it to say that there was a time in my young life when I was unhappy and felt pretty alone. It was a short time, and is something that has never dominated my life or my self confidence. I was very lucky in that I had a loving family who helped me over the bump-- and I was able to remove myself from the situation that was making me so miserable. Life went on, and so did I. I "got over it"...

Also today, Lanny and I were having a discussion that turned a bit serious, and we were both worrying about our offspring. They are doing fine, but as parents we see the bumps in their roads and want to help smooth them out. That is what parents tend to want to do.

As I thought about it, I realized two things. First, without those bumps in the road of my adolescence, I might not have been able to weather the really big bumps that came later in life with my divorce. Those feelings of being alone and unwanted could have been my undoing-- except that I had experienced them before and had tackled them by simply putting one foot in front of another and "getting over it".

So, the second realization I had was that Lanny and I cannot solve our kids' problems for them. To do so might make life easier in the present, but it just might deprive them of a learning experience that would help them over a bigger bump later on.

That doesn't mean we don't help them out when we can. Helping is one thing-- solving things for them is another. And lest you wonder, both Lanny and I spoke today of how proud we are of our kids. They are all doing well, living independently and contributing good things to the world. And someday, if they ask for advice about their own kids, I'll tell them to love and support them, but NOT to fix all their problems... but that's another blog post!

Even as kids reach adolescence, they need more than ever for us to watch over them. Adolescence is not about letting go. It's about hanging on during a very bumpy ride.

          ~Ron Taffel

The confidence and happiness I find in my life now is partially due to learning the hard way how to deal with the bumps life threw at me. The same is true for Lanny. 

Happy Mother's Day!

A mother is the truest friend we have when trials heavy and sudden fall up on us; when adversity takes the place of prosperity; when friends desert us; when trouble thickens around us, still will she cling to us and endeavor by her kind precepts and counsels to dissipate the clouds of darkness and cause peace to return to our hearts.
          ~Washington Irving

Myself, my mom and my sister

     Today is Mother's Day and I am incredibly fortunate to be able to spend the day with my own mother. My sister is also here-- she joined us from out-of-state just for this special day.

     Just like most kids, I have wonderful memories of my childhood, almost all of which center around my mother and father. My mom was gentle but absolutely dedicated to what she though was best for my sister and I-- so sometimes her decisions were not what I wanted.  Later, in my young adult years when I was a young mother, her wise counsel and good example helped me mother my own children. If I was a good mother (and I think I was...) it is because of her. 

     She in turn has often spoken of her own mother, and what a wonderful, caring woman she was. My grandmother provided her with a good example to follow.

My mother's mother

     And my own boys are wonderful dads to their kids. My hope is that their children will follow their parents' good example when it is time for them to be parents. 

     I firmly believe there is no greater legacy we can leave our children, no greater gift than the example of being a loving parent. I remember when my father lay dying-- and it was time to turn off all the machines and let him go. He was still lucid, and knew what was going on. It was time to say a final goodbye. I had been thinking about what I could say to him, and all I could think of was this exact thing-- I thanked him for being such a loving, wonderful father and told him that if I had any notion of what a loving Heavenly Father was, it was because my earthly father showed me what true love from a father was. 

     That is the power and the miracle of becoming a parent. It is the gift we are given by our own parents, who despite their human inperfections love us fiercely and do the best they can for us. And it is the mightiest gift we give our own children. What a legacy! 

My mom and three of her four grandchildren-- still an example to them too!

And here she is with her great grandchildren. Another generation of children to experience her unique way of showing love.

     Happy Mother's Day to all the mothers out there, including of course, my own. Never underestimate the power of what you do, of the influence you can have. And take some time today to consider your own mother-- and be thankful for her example of love that carries you forward each day.

Watering the roses in the garden of my life

Remember that children, marriages, and flower gardens reflect the kind of care they get.

                    ~H. Jackson Brown, Jr.

     It has been a long time since I have written a blog!  I just looked at the last one and it was written when the weather was a wintry nightmare. Today, our weather was perfect... just as it is supposed to be in Indiana in May. I can't really explain why I haven't spent time at the computer, except that I have had so many things occupy my time and my head.

     I will not bore you with details of how I have spent my time-- suffice it to say that it has been filled with grandchildren, children, friends, my mother and other family, my husband, with projects around the house and occasionally with my hobbies like knitting and the garden. Projects expand to fill the time I seem to have to devote to them-- and I find myself rarely satified with what I have accomplished at the end of a day. I guess what I am finding is that no matter how much I do or don't do, the day goes by too quickly. 

     The gift of time is like that-- we each get the same number of hours in the day. How we choose to use those hours is up to us. Back in my working life, I pushed my limits on how much I could accomplish in a day-- rising early, often staying up late. Retirement has allowed me to redefine how I look at time. However, I am discovering that free time can escape-- get away from me because I let it. I may be spending so much time "smelling the roses" that I forget to water them!

     And, of course, I have been spending so much time doing other stuff that I tell myself I don't have the time/energy to write a blog... 

     I enjoy the writing process. I love reading previous blog posts-- it really is a bit like a diary for me. I have heard from a few people who miss reading it. So... I will try to do better.