Challenges of retirement

One's life has value so long as one attributes value to the life of others, by means of love, friendship, indignation and compassion.
     ~ Simone de Beauvoir 


     After 37 years of working in various roles as a registered nurse, I retired a little over a year ago. At the time I was the director of a small obstetrics department at a local hospital, where I oversaw the operations of the unit and supervised over 80 nursing staff. That job was wonderful-- I loved it. The hospital was new when I started there-- in fact, I started before the building construction was complete. I was given the task of making sure the OB department had all the equipment, supplies and the right amount of staff to function, as well as the policies and procedures to keep it up to date and safe for our patients. The job was at times overwhelmingly huge. I led the department for 6 years until I retired.

The original OB staff at Clarian West (now IU Health West).

That's me in the upper right corner.

     Going from a high-stress job, where I was literally on-call 24/7 and kept a pager with me at all times, to retirement has been a blessing and a challenge. Initially, the absence of that unremitting stress was so profound all I could do was sleep. My husband joked that he never saw me the first 3 months I was retired because all I did was sleep.

     I did "wake up" eventually,  and set about on the second phase of my retirement-- hobbies!  I started knitting with a passion, attended a knitters' convention in Atlanta (who knew?) and joining a weekly knitting group at a local yarn shop. I put in a vegetable garden last year for the first time in my life and harvested some delicious tomatoes and peppers. I got busy... only to be felled by a major illness last summer. Mononucleosis, for heaven's sake... and it took me till fall to get my stamina back. Then I started with the ankle pain that eventually led to Achilles tendon surgery, which laid me up over this past winter. 

     With spring arriving, my foot is on the mend, finally. I am recovered from the stress of my old job, and now my husband Lanny has retired too. We had planned for this since our marriage, scheming on how to get the house paid off, how to save enough, how we would spend our days once retired, where we would travel to, and on and on... It is the fulfillment of a dream. We consider ourselves to be among the luckiest of people on the planet.

Here is my husband at his desk at IPL. Please note all the computers-- he had to use them all at the same time!

     With all of the wonder and excitement of this new phase though, I am finding I struggle a little with the idea of being relevant. When I was at work, I made important decisions that impacted a lot of people every day. When I walked the halls of the hospital, people knew who I was and held me in some regard. The CEO of our hospital and the big boss, the CEO of the network, both knew me by name. When I spoke at meetings, people listened. 

     Fast forward to dinner now where both Lanny and I are sitting together, tired from a day of staying busy. I can say something I think might be profound, and his head is a million miles away. Or, he may totally disagree with my opinion.  Or, neither of us can think of anything profound at all, and we banter about the birds at the feeder or the weather like a couple of strangers. And I used to be surrounded by people, meeting new people literally every day at work.  Now, sometimes unless I go to the grocery store I may never see another person besides my husband.  I love him, oh yes. But sometimes I feel isolated. For someone who enjoyed "being somebody" at work, how do I maintain a sense of fulfillment of purpose and relevancy?

     The challenge that has developed is that Lanny is back in the early second phase of his retirement. He just recently "woke up" from his first phase of sleeping all the time, and has set to building and stocking a new workshop for his hobbies of old cars and "puttering".  He is up at night planning in his head how to place the workbench just so, and has become a regular at the local hardware store. I have thoroughly enjoyed seeing his smiling face as he heads to the workshop whistling, a million plans in his head. Finally stress-free from his own work life, he has relaxed enough to enjoy this longed for hobby.

     I am still knitting and gardening, but am finding a need for something more. I suspect over time, as Lanny finishes up some of his first projects in that workshop, he too will begin to need more.  I am not sure we expected this... and we will have to work on finding our own answers.  But doing it in accord with the other.  And of course, we will still have our mutual interests-- friends, family, traveling, and enjoying each other's company. That last one has been the thing that has gotten us through some rather tough moments... It is nice to know we still enjoy each other as much or more than we did in those early days! 

A day spent doing what we love best-- wandering the backroads of Indiana in the Mustang...

     So, what is the lesson in all this? I must admit I did not expect to find retirement a challenge... How hard can it be to not work???  The lesson is, that as a social being and as someone who worked in a service role for all of my adult life, being social and serving is a part of who I am that cannot be denied. Retirement does not always fulfill those needs. I must find ways to do that, and still make sure I have plenty of time to spend with my beloved husband. I must figure out how to keep old friends, make new ones, and still serve mankind in some capacity.  While I think on all this, I'd love to share a meal with a friend... let's meet for dinner or lunch!  Seriously. Give me a call or email me...